Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurological condition. It makes up the core of me. It affects how I see, hear, and experience the world I live in. It sometimes even enters my dreams.
ASD never sleeps. I wouldn’t get far from running from it since I would be running from myself. It leaves me with a lot of reasons for what I do or not experience.
It is a daily task to make my constant companion as invisible as possible. I didn’t know until after my diagnosis that there is a word for this: PASSING. I was “passing” long before I ever heard the word “Autism”.
I cannot in public get away with “stimming to my delight” without getting stares. If I rock too much in a chair that isn’t a rocker, if I pace in circles, or carrying on a conversation in public with myself, I would receive unwanted attention. Since I’d rather not be the headline story amidst my social circles, I follow the social do’s and don’t’s. I “pass”.
Passing is doable. I’ve had plenty of practice. It can be exhausting, though, to wear a smile when I’m in meltdown country and a volcano is erupting inside.