The Twilight Spectrum

I have long been attracted to science fiction (sci-fi) and my absolute favorite show since childhood was the sci-fi series the Twilight Zone.  Maybe I am attracted to the show because with my Autism I feel like I’m living in a twilight zone.  I knew even as a child I didn’t see the world or behave in this world like my companions.  Up until my diagnosis a half year ago at 58 years of age, I thought of myself as an alien who got dropped off and left behind.

A favorite episode of mine was titled “The Man in the Bottle”.  It was about a couple who owned an antique shop and were struggling financially.  A genie materialized from a bottle in their shop and offered them four wishes.  They were skeptical at first but after the first wish came true, they realized it wasn’t bunk he was offering.  I don’t remember their first three requests but I do remember their requests did not turn out as they had hoped.  In desperation, the husband made the fourth and final wish of wanting to be a dictator of a country where the people catered to all his whims.  Low and behold, he found himself wearing a German uniform being addressed by everyone in the room as “Hail Hitler”.  I typically analyze whatever I watch and it wasn’t hard to find a moral in this episode:  be careful what you wish for.

I don’t know what I would wish for if I had one wish, let alone four.  Would I wish I be given an exit from off the twilight spectrum and become a neurotypical (NT)?  Would I wish my Autism away if I could?

I have been living on this spectrum all my life.  I don’t know anything different and at my age, I don’t know that I would want to.  The compensation for living on the Spectrum is my writing ability.  It’s compensation for living through the twilight zone’s dark side.  Such as having a meltdown that seems like going through a dark tunnel and I’m rocking through it waiting for the light to come on.

So I’m not holding my breath for a genie anymore than I am for winning the lottery.  If I were to run into one and given “x” number of wishes, I don’t know what they would be but I don’t think it would be a ticket out of the twilight spectrum.





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