Oh, Mom, Do I Have to?

A seemingly simple errand can present speed bumps on the Autism Spectrum. The other day my Mom sent me on an errand to pick up some items at the grocery store. Her list was short but heavy. Three cartons of bottled water, 24 bottles each, is not for sissies to pick up. I didn’t mind since it fit into my “daily step” count on my “Fitbit”. It’s become an obsession to meet my daily goal. By just unloading the water, I got around 500 steps in.

Handling the heavy water load was a breeze compared to taking care of a mere pound of ground beef. Why? I had to go to the meat counter and request a pound from a total stranger known as a butcher. As soon as I walked into the store, I headed for the meat department to get it over with to relieve the tension I had since I left the house. When the butcher gave me the wrapped pound of beef with a “have a nice day” greeting, my anxiety took a hike and I could breathe easy-like.

When I lived by myself for over 20 years, I don’t recall ever making a grocery store trip that included a stop at where the butchers hang out. I didn’t have a desire to learn how to cook what the butcher had to offer but if I had, I still probably would have been reluctant because it would require social interaction.

This is just one example of a puddle in my daily life of living on the Spectrum.

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No Doubt About It

I asked my home assistant device, Echo Show, for the definition of skepticism. I knew what the word meant but I like to give Echo commands just to see if Echo will do it or ignore me. Another reason I put her to work is she didn’t come cheap. Echo’s response was skepticism is having doubt about the truth of something. Such as being skeptical about what you hear a politician says. There’s a lot of that going around.

Jesus was familiar with skeptics. Folks who were doubtful of whom Jesus claimed He was crossed His path plenty of times.  Such as Pharisees, Sadducees, chief priests, scribes, elders, and folks who had no title. But there were instances recorded in the Gospels of when His path crossed with those who took Him at his word that He was the promised one, the Son of God.  Such as Mary, Martha, and Lazarus whom the Lord counted as dear friends.  There was also a time when Jesus encountered such a strong faith of one individual that Jesus Himself stood amazed.

This occasion took place in a town called Capernaum. One of the town’s residents was a centurion. (My Echo assistant told me that a centurion was a commander of one hundred soldiers in ancient Rome). One of the centurion’s servant was so ill that he was ready to die. According to Luke 7:2, the servant was “dear” to the centurion. I take that to mean the servant was more than hired help, but a friend as well. This to me speaks volumes of the kind of person this centurion was. I doubt that there were many commanders in ancient Rome, or in any other civilizations, who cared as deeply for their servant as this centurion did.

When the centurion heard that Jesus was in town, he sent the elders of the Jews to asked Jesus to come and heal his servant. The commander of one hundred must have heard about Jesus and given credence to what he heard. The Jewish elders did as the centurion asked because they thought so highly of the centurion. Again, this was another example of the centurion’s kindness towards those who were outside of his Roman circle.

When the Jewish elders found Jesus, they pleaded on behalf of the centurion to heal the servant. They spoke to Jesus of the centurion’s love for the Jewish nation and how the centurion had demonstrated that love by having built them a synagogue.

Jesus accompanied the elders to the centurion’s home where the servant lay dying. When Jesus was almost to the house, the centurion sent friends to greet the Lord with the below message:

“Lord, trouble not thyself: for I am not worthy that thou shouldest enter under my roof: Wherefore neither thought I myself worthy to come unto thee: but say in a word, and my servant shall be healed.
For I also am a man set under authority, having under me soldiers, and I say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it.” (Luke 6: 7-8)

The centurion did not consider himself worthy that Jesus should enter his house or worthy to come to Him. This man was truly one of a kind. A commander with a healthy instead of a fat ego.

Jesus was amazed! It is one of the few times in the Gospels where Jesus was such. According to the scripture, Jesus marveled at the centurion’s statement of belief in Him. This was a rare occurrence where Jesus was impressed by belief instead of unbelief. Jesus turned to those around him and said to them that He had not found such great faith, no, not in Israel.

The centurion’s friends returned to the house. What they saw may have marveled them. They found the servant who had been on his death bed to be completely well.

It’s one thing to pray and ask the Heavenly Father for something that’s in our hearts. It’s another to do so with a heap of faith instead of a tad of skepticism. Faith sufficient enough to leave that request in the Father’s hands and not give it a worry minutes, hours, days, etc. later until the answer comes. The answer may be what one had hoped for, but if it isn’t, it’s still okay. Why? Our Father knows best. No doubt about it!

Jog Dance

I am “passing” less now. Maybe it is one of the stages I am going through after learning I was on the Spectrum near the end of 2016. Since I know what “it” is, I have something to call it in case someone asks “why in the world do you do that?”

In addition to pacing the floor, I jog in place.  It is exercise and stimming both.  Stimming, according to Wikipedia, is the repetition of physical movements.  Well, jogging in place is repetitive. As for it being physical movement, my worn out feet and toes can attest to that.

The advantage to jogging in place is I can do it indoors too.  That’s a definite advantage in 90-something temps with 50% humidity.  I also find time goes by faster when jogging if I’m doing something else at the same time.  I kid you not that I brush my teeth at the sink and do a jog dance at the same time.  No kidding!  I also fold laundry, vacuum, mop, and make a sandwich too.  I’m adding to my daily total of steps on my Fitbit while doing chores.  Sounds like a good idea to me.  I can’t explain it but my focus is actually better on the task at hand if I’m jogging while folding, mopping, etc.

I acquired the knack of yard work a year or so ago.  It gives me something to do and has a calming effect on me.  I’ve gone outside with my hedge clippers to escape a sound, smell, or pet peeve that is triggering a meltdown.

The other day a friend came by while I was on a date with the clippers.  She said smiling, “I saw you trimming and jogging at the same time.  Is that, by chance, an Autism thing?”  I told her, “Yeah.”    She asked if I wondered what people were thinking when they drove by.  I live on a busy three-lane two way street with traffic fitting a major thoroughfare.  I told her I just face the hedge and keep my back to the traffic whizzing by while telling myself it doesn’t matter what the passer-by’s think.  She laughed and said, “Whatever gets you through your day.”

It feels good to pass less.  A sense of freedom.  Like someone once said, “Dance like nobody’s watching.”  Well, even if they are, I’ll jog dance if I want to!

 

 

 

 

The Multiplication of One

The Gospel of John ends with stating “And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen.”  (John 21:25)  I can’t help but wonder what the “other things” were, but I accept that what is recorded is sufficient for us to know.  One can’t help but notice in reading all the four Gospels in the Bible’s New Testament that Jesus took the time to perform many a miracle. He had compassion for the blind, deaf, lame, and the leper. Such as he healed the blind beggar on the side of a road, the demon-possessed man living in a graveyard, and the woman with a bleeding illness who touched his cloak in a crowded place.

Word of his miracles spread throughout the region like wildfire.  Crowds would gather when hearing that Jesus was coming to their neck of the woods.  Such as in the story told in Matthew 14:13-21 where 5000 men, plus women and children, showed up traveling on foot to see the miracle worker for themselves.

As evening drew near, the disciples told Jesus that since they were in a remote place, they should send the crowds away so they could go to their villages and get something to eat.  Instead of agreeing, Jesus told the disciples instead that they give the crowds something to eat.  I wonder what the disciples were thinking at this point. They never imagined feeding that many people in one sitting.  Besides, the only food they had on hand was a mere five loaves of bread and two fish provided by a boy according to the version of the story told in the Gospel of John. It doesn’t take much math to figure out that wouldn’t satisfy a hundred, much less five thousand.

Jesus told them to bring the food to Him and directed the people to have a seat on the grass. He took the bread and fish and looked up to heaven, gave thanks, and broke the loaves. Then He had the disciples hand out the food. The disciples and the crowd saw something amazing happen. Something they couldn’t have imagined in their wildest dreams.  The fish and loaves multiplied before their very eyes!

The crowd had plenty to eat and no one, so to speak, left the table hungry. After dinner was over (or supper as folks in the south call it), the disciples had leftovers to pick up.

Years ago, I heard a minister preach about this story. He had an interesting perspective that up until then, I had not given on this miraculous feeding. The Lord is in the business of multiplying. In this story, it was food. But it isn’t just food the Lord can multiply.

There are countless stories where the Lord has taken what a child of His does, such as an act of kindness or a display of one’s God-given talent, and multiply it many times over. After the minister finished his sermon, he then invited his daughter to sing a hymn. I don’t remember the hymn, but I do remember she had a lovely voice and her talent left an impression on me. It’s been over a decade and I still remember the minister’s lesson and the minister’s daughter putting the lesson into practice.

My own heart has been touched multiple times from observing a special talent possessed by a child with Autism.  For example, a boy around ten whose drawings is stunning for one who has yet to say his first word.  It does my heart good to hear a lovely girl sing who can’t yet hold a conversation.  She can sing words of a song with her beautiful voice accompanied by an angelic glow on her face.  I’m told she sings in the church choir.  Only the Lord knows how many hearts that child has touched from the choir loft.

The Lord can take what we do, no matter how small the action may be, and have it touch multiple lives for the better. Many testimonies have been given by those whose lives were changed by an act of kindness from a fellow human being. There are testimonies of those who came to know the Lord through the witness of one person and then that one goes on to share the gospel to multitudes of people.

It so often starts with “ONE” and multiplies many times over just as the loaves and fishes so long ago.

Hangwire

It isn’t a chore for me to organize my stuff; it’s a TREAT! It’s not so much re-organizing the BIG stuff such as beds, recliners, etc. I’ll do that but on rare occasion. It’s more the small stuff such as the clothes in my closet or drawers. I want my space to be as predictable as my routine.  I intensely dislike playing hide and seek where I am the one seeking and seldom the finder.

I went overboard this last summer. With the kids out of school, I was on break since substitute teacher aides are on hiatus. Solo activities help to keep me in a good mood. On one afternoon, I took to organizing my bedroom closet for the upteenth time.  I like doing it so much that I stopped counting how many times I’ve given a closet a re-org.

After I finished tossin’, I needed to go garage shopping. Why? I had tossed more than half my clothes. The criteria for what to toss out was what I hadn’t worn in a year or so. It became abundantly clear to me that a limited amount of my clothes see the light of day. I tend to wear the same old things; a creature of habit.

I had worked so hard that I got sweaty and thus, cranky as a bear. Ought oh! As my energy level goes down, my tendency to have a meltdown goes UP!  I  felt a volcano rumbling within in.  I should have slowed down but once I start something, it is truly hard for me to put the brakes on it. How did I know I was hitting the boiling point? My clue was engaging in combat with the hangers.

I had a lot of hangers left over after discarding so much of what they had hung up. I was trying to put them away in a box but they didn’t want to go away quietly. One entangled with another one and separating them apart got on my nerves. Some flew on the floor. Well, okay, I gave them a little boost.

Fighting hangers was a sign I was heading for meltdown country.  I did what sometimes chases a meltdown away.  I walked away and went out to the backyard for a hanger break. Maybe I could walk off my crankiness. Since I like being productive, I picked up dead leaves and twigs. It may sound strange but it is an activity that sometimes will soothe down the rumbling.

After the lawn looked sufficiently leafless, I had calmed down by then and I returned to the hanger mess on my bedroom floor.  I put the hangers in the storage box without any more combat. After storing the left-over hangers and the clothing that didn’t make the final cut, I took a good look at my closet — my masterpiece. It had more empty space and was organized to the hilt. Just “perfect”.

It can be so exhausting living on the spectrum aiming for perfection.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My To-Do

I am a stickler for routine as many are on the Spectrum. But I can make adjustments without shutdowns or meltdowns BUT … there is a but. An essential “but”. I have to be the person making the adjustment.

I have not been one to rely on to-do lists. My memory was reliable; just the rest of me was in doubt. Not one hundred percent, but sufficient enough that I didn’t have yellow stick-em notes decorating my desk. Well, my memory is aging with the rest of me. Its reliability isn’t as reliable as my memory was when it was 20-, 30- or 40-something.

I came across something to help me avoid the sticky reminder route.  It is a computer application version of a to-do list.  It’s the “computerized” part that had me hooked since I am a computer addict.  Instead of writing down my to-do’s in my hard to read chicken scratch, I key them in on my keyboard. A mouse click takes care of deleting a to-do after completed. When my to-do’s for the day is done, I get a note on my computer screen of “well done and good night”.

This application has done wonders! I have put items on this list that I never got in the habit of doing until now. One example is putting on makeup. Those who know me can appreciate the wonder of this. I’m the type who doesn’t want to give much time in the morning to grooming.  The reason behind my short hairstyle is the less hair there is, the less there is to brush or wash. So for me to add putting on makeup to my morning routine is headline news.

If I put an item on the to-do list for a particular day or for every day, I will do it unless I have a sufficient reason that I won’t feel guilty about not doing it.  I read somewhere in my Autism research that a guilt complex is not uncommon for those on the Spectrum.  I tend to agree since I sure got one that gives me a hard time if I don’t finish my to-do’s.

A Yard Toy to Me

Trimming the hedge has been added to my growing list of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) stimming methods to hopefully thwart meltdowns.  There is also the added benefit of exercise and being outdoors.  My backyard has become my ground to persevere by repeatedly picking up dead leaves, dead pecans, or giving the hedge a haircut.
Recently one of my brothers showed me how to operate the edger or weed eater.  It was a brand new one thanks to another brother who ordered it online.  He took the old one we had that was NOT user-friendly.  My brother sure knows how to pick ’em because the edger is easy to turn on, turn off, and operate.  There is a drawback.  I doubt there is an edge trimmer invented that doesn’t have this drawback.  It is not user-friendly to one’s ARMS.  Mine paid me back big time after I “played around” the sides of the yard with it.
My brother doesn’t care for edge trimming.  Me?  I took to it like a duck to water.  I used to think my attraction to gadgets, “gadgetitis”, was just quirky behavior.  After I learned I was on the Spectrum, I had a better understanding of what was behind my gadgetitis.
I don’t view the edger as a yard tool, but as a toy.  Give me a battery-operated or power-corded piece of work and just watch me go to work, no, rather, go play with it!

A Royal Extension of Time

I am intrigued with tales of kings, queens, and royal intrigue.  In particular, the royal family of England.  They don’t bore me whatsoever.  I follow news of them than other monarchs since their country is named after my family.  HA!

I have spent considerable Bible study time in the books of Samuel, Kings, and Chronicles in the Bible.  These books cover multiple reigns that have the ingredients of drama, adventure, and romance.

One of them who had a longer list than most kings of accomplishments that met God’s approval was Hezekiah.  He purified and repaired the Temple, purged its idols, and reformed the priesthood.  He destroyed the high places which became objects of idolatrous worship.  With that list of accomplishments, no wonder it states in the scripture that Hezekiah was a great and good king.

In chapter 20 of II Kings, Hezekiah was so ill he was near death.  It was a boil to be exact that had caused the King such misery.  I’ve never had a boil myself but it sounds terribly painful.  Isaiah, the prophet, came to see the King and had the worst news.  The boil was terminal.  The prophet advised Hezekiah to get his house in order because his time on earth was about up.  

Hezekiah was not ready to leave Earth.  I can understand that.  I am eager to go to Heaven, myself, but I can’t say I’m eager to go right this minute.  There’s that instinct to wanna hang on a while longer.  

Hezekiah took the Prophet’s grim news so hard.  The grown-up king cried his heart out.  To his credit, he prayed to God.  He asked for an extension of time.  He presented his case to the Lord as if he was his own attorney pleading his case. Hezekiah brought up that list of accomplishments.  He asked the Lord to remember how he had walked before Him faithfully and with his full devotion from his heart.  As he prayed, he continued to weep bitterly.   

Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the Lord gave the prophet a message for Hezekiah.  This time the news was much better.  The King would have fifteen more birthdays.  The Lord had heard his prayer and seen his tears.  I take comfort in this part of the story.   This is an example of God hearing a prayer coming from a desperate man with a heavy heart.  God didn’t dismiss the King’s pleas and tears.  I believe He doesn’t mine either.

Hezekiah wanted a sign that his life extension was for real.  He could have taken the prophet’s words for it but that’s not as easy as it may sound.  I only have to look at my own track record.  So many times the Lord has come to my rescue and saw me through a storm.  But whenever a storm pops up in my life, it is so tempting for me to worry my way through it than weather through it on faith.

It should be noted that God honored Hezekiah’s request for a sign.  Isaiah, being the go-between, told the King the Lord’s sign would be one of two, the King’s choice: to have the shadow go forward ten steps, or back ten steps?  Hezekiah using common sense said it was a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps.  He requested the shadow go back ten steps.  Isaiah called on the Lord and the Lord responded with making the shadow go back ten steps it had gone down on the stairway.  I assume the sign satisfied Hezekiah that he had a 15-year life extension.

I wish I could say he spent those remaining 15 years wisely but his ego got the best of him.  A Babylonian envoy delegation paid a visit to Jerusalem and Hezekiah welcomed them with open arms.  They may have brought him a get-well gift for they had heard about his illness.  Hezekiah was keen to show off and he sure did at that!  He showed off his storehouses, his armory, and everything found among his treasures.  In fact, he went full hog and there was nothing in the King’s palace or in all his kingdom the King did not show off.  The problem was he was showing off to wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing.

When Isaiah heard about the delegation, he asked the King what the men said and where did they come from.  Hezekiah said Babylon and that alarmed Isaiah.  He asked what did the Babylonian gang see in the palace?  At least, Hezekiah was honest when he said EVERYTHING.

I can picture Isaiah nodding and scratch his head.  I wouldn’t have blamed him if he thought he had been on the job too long.  How could Hezekiah fall for those wolves?

Isaiah had bad news for the King again.  There would come a time when everything in the palace would be carted off to Babylon, much at the fault of Hezekiah.  If that wasn’t bad enough news, some of Hezekiah’s descendants would be taken away and become eunuchs in the palace of the Babylonian king.

At the end of 15 more years, Hezekiah rested with his fathers.  A takeaway of this story is having a talk with the Lord come rain or shine.  To tell him all about whatever is on my plate whether it be a blessing or a concern.  If needed, have a good cry too.  I would never tell someone who has a terminal illness or a loved one who has that if they pray and ask for an extension, it’s a guarantee they’ll get it.   There are folks walking around whose doctor have no explanation as to why that is; however, there are those who didn’t get an extension and went home to be with the Lord.

I try to always remember when praying for whatever that I say, “Not my will, but thy will be done.”  God always knows best, including the granting of extensions of time.

 

The Can Opener Challenge

It isn’t always the big battles on the Spectrum; it’s the little ones too.  The little ones are bigger at the time than they are in hindsight.  It is in hindsight I can write about them and have a chuckle or two.  If I can laugh about any battle, it hasn’t defeated me.

A little one started when my Mom interrupted my blog-writing asking me to open a can for her.  I’m not complaining about that.  It just throws me for a bit to pause when I’m creating a masterpiece.  Arthur (arthritis) makes opening a can with a manual can opener a painful proposition.  I figure I better have empathy since Arthur probably already has his eyes set on me in the near future.  I come from a long family tree of Arthur’s victims.

This made me think of a battery-operated can opener I had seen at a store having a 20% off sale the very same day.  Since I was planning on going anyway, barring a large crowd, I made note of it to look for one.  With a small showing of customers at the time I entered the store,  I went ahead and bought a red Handy-Dandy battery-operated can opener, one of those As See on TV products.  Besides my Mom needing one, I am attracted to a battery or electric gadget like a coin is to a magnet.

I took it out of the package in my bedroom to get the gadget up and running without my Mom knowing a thing.  I wanted to surprise her by doing a “show and tell”.  That was a good plan but that’s not how it went down.  After installing two “AA” batteries, I pushed the button and not a sound was heard.  I tried placing it on a can in case the opener wouldn’t work without having something to spin on.  That’ didn’t work.  I was so frustrated!  I don’t give in to defeat easily when it comes to gadgets.  I am the “gadget queen” in my clan.  After numerous efforts, this “queen” eventually came to the conclusion it was a “lemon” can opener.

I didn’t ask for this battle, but it fell in my lap and I saw it as having two choices.  I could toss it and try to forget it; or, I could take it back to the store for an exchange/refund.  My Mom would have taken it back to the store without any hesitation whatsoever.  Me?  Just the opposite.  I have a phobia of customer service desks.  My first inclination was to do to the malfunctioned opener what I do with party invitations:  toss out!

The price receipt, though, kept staring at me.   Guilt is another biggie of mine.  I came up with an idea to ease my guilty conscience.  I’d put it back in the store bag, go back to the store, and if there was a store clerk who seemed friendly enough, I would ask to exchange it.  I didn’t want a refund because I wasn’t ready to give up on presenting my Mom with a can opener that would defy her nemesis, Arthur.

I’m proud to say I got up the nerve to approach the customer service desk and asked for an exchange.  She took the lemon and dropped the exchange item in a bag with a “have a good day”.  I could breathe easy now as I walked out the store after my victory of facing the exchange challenge.  I know such transactions come easy for a lot of folks, but not for me.

It was back to the drawing board.  The only difference was it was black instead of red.  I wish I could say that after the battery installation, the handy-dandy opener came to life.  But that’s not how it went down.  It wasn’t making a sound either.  After repeating what I did hours earlier with the red “lemon” one, I re-dressed it back into its package.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to return to the store or not.  Two customer service interactions in one day — there’s only so much I can take!

It was aggravating I couldn’t get a gadget to work.  I can’t thread a needle, but I know my way around setting up a smart phone, smart watch, etc.  I had to try one more time to save my reputation for gadget-fixing.  I used a can of chili as my guinea pig.  Just as I was about to take my finger off the start button and give in to defeat, the opener came to life.  It started its journey around the can lid while I watched in amazement.

This was supposed to be the end of the story.  Nope!  A few weeks later, the black handy-dandy opener met its fate of a trash can after opening a can of green beans.  It did a spin around the lid of the can.  The problem was it wouldn’t let go of the lid.  They were inseparable!  I did manage to free the green beans but I had to toss the can opener with the can still in its mouth.

Now, most people would have given up by now.  But I don’t give up easily.  I wasn’t about to be outdone by any kind of gadget.  I received a 20% off e-mail from a store and I saw this as a sign to go ahead and purchase No. 3.  I’m thrilled to say the third one was the charm.  As for what my Mom does when she needs a can opener, she still hollers for me and I do the honors.