I am in the midst of family or friends who are having such a wonderful time of conversation on a topic(s) they are excited about. The problem for me is I have no input on it. My mind goes blank. If by chance someone in the group brings up a topic right up my alley, I’ll come to life until the topic drops.
If this get-together is being held at home where I live with other family members, my bedroom is where they’ll find me if I cross their minds. During their visit, I turn into a “popper”. I’ll pop in if I think of something to say that might attract their attention. Once I have my input, I retreat to my space.
I am not a total “no show” to houseguests. I can even pretend to be engaged. But enjoy it? No. I can’t make my inner self enjoy anything. Either I do or don’t.
I’m not this way because I want to be the “mute” one in a group or the one who doesn’t join the others at the dinner table with the family. I can’t make someone understand who wonders “why don’t you just do it?” One would have to dwell in my brain and even if that were possible, I doubt I’d have any takers.
I wouldn’t ask someone with asthma “why don’t you just breathe normal-like?” All I could give an asthmatic is empathy. That’s all I ask too.
What might surprise folks around me is it does bring tears to my eyes sometimes when I’m amidst such joy and excitement and can only pretend that I feel it too.